A gentle cloud of dust kicks up as the moto speeds past us. Dragonflies are abundant, and so too are their counterparts–my mortal enemy: the mosquito. We all pile into an incredibly small truck and we’re off. Green rice fields line the landscape of this beautiful countryside. The annoyances of city life are long gone and honking is left to the geese here. Life is simple, sweet, and serene. I am home…

I was born on our plantation in Battambang. My mother was taking a bath when she went into labor. She sat down in the tub and had me under water. Hours later, I popped right out.

I don’t remember any of that, nor did I remember the beauty of this country, but I am grateful for the chance to see it again. We’re staying at the Street Families Center where they take in the poorest families in Battambang and teach them occupational skills and English. The Center also serves as a shelter for abused women. I wish I could post my pictures up as my words do this country and the conditions people are living in absolutely no justice, but until I figure out how I can upload all of my pictures in the little time that I have, my words will have to suffice…

A little goes a long way here. As we climbed one of the mountains today, a child asked me for a pen. I gave it to him in the hopes that he’ll one day realize his power and change this country through other means…

Butterflies are abound here. They flitter all around us. They are at peace and to me, they are the symbol of hope for this country. There is still hope, but we’ve so much more work left ahead of us…

My dearest Poch, thank you for your strength and love.

We went to visit the Tuol Sleng Genocide Museum today…

I feel…

maimed
disappointment
pain
sorrow
shame

The walls were lined with images of people before they were tortured and killed, but as I looked into their eyes, I noticed that death had already befallen them. They were more than just my people, they were my fellow villagers, and even more harrowing, my family…

A mother had her child ripped away from her, a single tear managed to fight its way out of her eyes and drizzle onto her nose. If only people knew the story behind that tear–that that single tear would have flooded the Mekong River, twice over, with the sorrows of a country…

These are my people; this is my pain; and the journey has just begun…

ugh, I totally wrote an entry before, but the stupid internet was screwed up and it didn’t post the entry…

Anyhow, I’m in the Tokyo business lounge right now, so the first leg of my journey is complete. I’m currently awaiting my connecting flight to Singapore, so I hope to be able to update more from there…

To my Poch: Happy anniversary! It seems like only yesterday that our paths crossed for the first time. Now, I can’t possibly imagine life without you. I love you with all my heart and cannot wait for the day when you are in my arms again. Know that while we’re continents apart, our hearts are inseparable and that I carry your love with me everywhere I go. I love you Paul Ocampo, and I will return to you safely, as I promised…Happy 9 months my love, mahal kita!

holy crap! tomorrow is my last full day here and I’m not even done packing yet. ack! sooooo much still left to do, and sooooo little time left! I hate how I’m such a procrastinator, boo. I’ll write something more substantial when I get the time, for now, AAAAAAAACK!

Okie, it’s updated with photos now, enjoy!

********************************

I actually wrote this on June 29 and was waiting for my
internet to come back up so that I could post pictures along with the entry,
but alas, stupid Comcast has relegated me to a photo-less entry. I’ll update
this entry with pictures later, so stay tuned!

********************************

…the pain, yes, the pain…

I’ve worked out the past two days, but before that, I hadn’t worked out in more
than five months. Needless to say, I’m quite sore. When I got home yesterday
and took a shower, I could barely raise my arms up to wash my hair with the
shampoo; I had to strategically rest my arm against the wall so that it would
stay at a height that would allow me to reach my head–sooooo not fun, and that
was just my arms. This morning, I couldn’t sit up in bed. My abs hurt so much
that I had to roll out of bed. I think I’m going to take a break from working
out, at least for a day so my body can recover from this initial shock, haha. I
noticed a weird thing as I was on the ellipticals though. So there are these
sensors on the handles that are able to calculate your heart rate, and mine was
hovering around the low 80s, but my target heart rate was 157. I’m a bit
disturbed by this. Does anyone know if this is bad? I think my heart rate needs
to increase, but nothing seems to be working. Perhaps I’m not working out hard
enough? Whatever, as long as I can have my fried chicken and rice afterwards,
I’m a happy boy!

Pride was this past weekend. I saw a lot of people I hadn’t seen in a long time
and I also saw some people that I didn’t want to see, but fortunately, the
former outnumbered the latter.

On Friday, John, Barry, and I went to Dragon. Ly was DJ-ing that night and his
set totally rocked! I heard all the songs I wanted to hear and wanted to just
dance the night away, which is what we basically did, haha.

ANGEL ISLAND

On Saturday, we woke up bright and early to join the Roots
Program to Angel Island to visit the Chinese Immigration Center. In my 3 years
of working for Blue & Gold, not once did I take advantage of visiting such
places as Angel Island, so I figured better late than never. It was a pretty
cool experience to see in person all the Chinese poems carved into the walls of
the buildings. I got a little sunburned though, and unfortunately, I was
wearing my glasses that day, so I came out looking a bit raccoonish. On the
boat ride back, John, Yohana, Sarah, and I were all sitting on the second deck
on the side. It had been a windy day and we were all just chatting when, all of
a sudden, Sarah screams. We thought something had happened in the water so we
all proceeded to look towards the water, but just as we did…BAM! A HUGE
FREAKIN’ WAVE DOUSED US ALL! OMG, I was SOAKED and in nasty bay water at that!
Soooooooooooo gross! I guess the upside of all of this is that at least a
freakin’ seagull didn’t come and poop on us afterwards, is that much of a
consolation though?!

the long trek up to the Immigration Center

The Immigration Center 

under construction 

the writings on the wall 

they tried to cover up our history, but the memories are
forever etched into our identities and struggle 

a poem 

I’m DRENCHED! 

ewwwwwwww, nasty bay water in my hair!

PINK PARTY

After we got all cleaned up, we headed out to the Pink Party. John and I met up
with Yohana, Brian, Sandra, and Martha and we made our rounds. We stopped in
first to say hi to Milo and company. As we were opening the door, we saw two
guys pressing into each other on the walls and playing tonsil hockey like they
were in the championship game for the Stanley Cup. I noticed that one of them
had a buzz cut and immediately realized that it was my ex. Haha, nice way of running
into each other again huh? I guess some people never change, but I digress. We
took a couple of shots with Milo and company and rolled out, only to return
later for more shots with friends, the bathroom, more drinks, and of course,
the bathroom, haha.

Ooooh, highlight of the night, I finally met Jason. As you know, his xanga’s
ridiculously hilarious, but he’s even more of a riot in person, especially when
he’s drunk, haha. Anyhow, it was a pleasure to finally meet ya!

John and I got a lil’ hungry!

Yohana’s breasts got lots of action that night 

I seem to be enjoying this, hehe

PRIDE

Sunday was Pride. I was supposed to walk with the A&PI Wellness Center, but
I had to be there at 9:30. I tried, I really did, but there was no way to get
me up before 11am, haha. We eventually made it out to Civic Center where all
the festivities were though and ran into more friends. We hung out around the
API stage most of the time, but ventured out to the Latin and Black stage early
on. The Black stage was really small and crowded, but at least they had hip
hop. I don’t have a picture of her, but at the Latin stage, there was this granny
that was totally dancing up a storm to Shakira’s Hips Don’t Lie. OMG, she was
workin’ it, flapping gums and all! We eventually went back to the API stage to
wait for the hip hop dance troupes to come on. There were a couple of good
performances, but the winners, by far, were the kids of FutureShock. There was
this one little girl that had the best attitude out of them all. She was 9
years old, her name was Rashondra, and y’all bettah recognize! Haha, loved her!
She kept it crunk  and totally made everyone else look blah, haha. The
wind started to pick up heavily towards the end of the day though and we
decided to head out. At the end of the day, I had definitely been sunburned,
particularly on my nose. Whatever, I’ll be in Cambodia soon and I can even out
my tan there, haha.

Ma-an, Anthony, and me: Blue & Gold reunion! 

awww, the couples: Chris & Frangelo and Evan & Jason 

me and Evan: fobbin’ it up and lovin’ it! 

me and Brian…yes, it’s true, we’re freakin’ fob-tastic! 

the little girl in the center is Rashondra, uh huh!
Recognize! 

awww, they’re all grown up now! Adrian, me, and Vaughn

Evan: “Hey, that guy has my underwear!”

John, doing the happy dance, hehe

Yay, that was my weekend, and now, there’s an extended weekend! Can’t wait!

this is cool! I got it from aaznraver

create your own visited countries map

I’ve only been to 24 countries – 10% of the world. I’m soooooooo behind! I need to travel more! haha.

Ugh, I went to get my 2nd Hepatitis A vaccine today and the freakin’ nurse didn’t even try to be gentle. She totally stabbed the needle into my arm and now it’s sooooo sore! OMG, my left arm feels like that feeling you get the day after you work out after having not worked out in a long time. Oh well, I guess it’s worth it if it’ll protect me against Hepatitis A in Cambodia…

Speaking of Cambodia, I’m all clear to go now. I’ve turned in all my paperwork, gotten all my shots, and now I just have to start taking my nasty malaria and typhoid medication. They said that my malaria medication could have side effects like increased sensitivity to the sun. Hmm, I think that’s gonna be a problem, especially since I’m gonna be burnt two shades darker by the time I get back from this trip. Ah well, guess we all have to make sacrifices some how. Why couldn’t I just kill a pig to sacrifice instead?! Oh well…

So I went down to LA this past weekend to spend Father’s Day with my family and with Paul. The weather was wonderful, albeit somewhat warmer than what I’ve grown accustomed to here in the Bay area, but it was nice. I flew out on Saturday afternoon, got back in early Monday morning just in time to get to work, and boy was I exhausted, but it was well worth it…

Paul picked me up from the airport and took me home, but not before we stopped by to see Nacho Libre. Let me just say that this movie was hilarious, but I enjoyed it with some reservations. Having been an Ethnic Studies major, there’s still a part of me that doesn’t like the idea of seeing a white man playing the role of a Latino, or any other race other than their own for that metter, especially when they’re highlighting and reinforcing negative stereotypes. I won’t ruin the movie by citing examples for anyone since it is a relatively new film, but feel free to shoot me an email once you have seen it and perhaps we can discuss some of the more unsettling parts of the script. All in all though, it was a relatively good film, good for cheap laughs I suppose…

I spent a fair majority of the time hanging out with my family. On Sunday, my parents decided to to have a barbecue for some family friends who were visiting from Cambodia. I think we barbecued a whole cow considering how much meat there was. It was soooo good and tender, mmmm, cow…

So I’ve been reading Pearl S. Buck’s The Good Earth. I bought it a couple of months back, and have been meaning to read it ever since I studied the film back in my film class at Berkeley, but just never really found the time to read it for leisure until now. It’s a pretty delicately woven story of the hardships and triumphs of man, but I’ve found it to be a bit too chauvinistic for my tastes. I know that that’s how things were back in the 1930s and even now, but a lot of the terms and dialogue that were used in regards to and towards women were quite demeaning and oppressive–I guess that’s what gave the novel more of an authentic feel. If you haven’t read this book yet though, I’d highly recommend it, but I don’t think the film does it any justice…

As in most Hollywood films of that time, Asians simply just weren’t good enough to play themselves on screen. Forget the likes of Anna May Wong, the trailblazer for all Asian actors to come. These Asian roles had to be played by “real” actors who could be better Asians than the likes of real Asians, people like Luise Rainer, a German. The film went on to win two Oscars, one of which belonged to Luise for her role as O-lan, but that role was supposed to go to Anna May Wong; that should have been her Oscar. That said, I think the film was a joke. Leave it to Hollywood to take a wonderful novel and ruin it with yellow face. It’s movies like these that make me want to make my own version of it, one that’s more racially authentic and appropriate. Well, it’s a thought for now…

So I’ve been getting really lazy about my health as of late. I’ve not been to the gym in more than 4 months and just yesterday, I had two happy meals for lunch, then a fatty burger from Barney’s for dinner. Yes, it’s true, I’m a fatty with dinner rolls for love handles. I can’t resist happy meals though, I looooooove the toys! I was a weird kid growing up and started collecting them since I was in the 3rd grade. They’re all still in their original plastic bags and everything, haha. Yup, there’s a market for everyone and anything, hehe…

Alrighty, sleepy time…

This weekend was one craaaaazy busy weekend, but exhaustion has never felt so good, hehe. I couldn’t really focus at work today because I still hadn’t fully settled back into the swing of things so I figured I’d write an entry about some of the random events that have happened as of late, but really, I’m too lazy to write much right now, so here’s a photo vomit instead, enjoy!

I’m a God Uncle and it’s a GIRL!

say hello to Brianna Figueroa, she’s got my hair!

she’s sooo gonna learn Chinese, Russian, Italian, German, Khmer, Thai, Vietnamese, Spanish, etc.

the proud parents

first diaper change, talk about poo with a kick, haha

me, Quan, and John after dim sum

John and me caught by surprise by Quan

APA Comedy Night at The Purple Onion!

Eric and Paul, simply radiant

Ali Wong, watch out for her! She’s hilarious! check her out at: www.aliwong.com

Fred the model. He’s single bois, come and get him!

at the API Heritage Street Faire, I couldn’t resist capturing the utilitarian value of this man’s “hat” in action

Lastly, because I want you to experience just how exciting my work life is, here’s a glimpse of my cube in all it’s dorkiness, haha

“wait, what’s that thing growing on his desk? is it yesterday’s lunch gone bad?”

nope! it’s my lawn! and it’s artificial sun!

my urban jungle, the flower waves to me every day to make me smile, hehe

ooooh, scared of my croc?

that’s MISTER DORK to you, haha

I hit my breaking point today. I thought I had things under control, but as in all things in life, the rug got pulled from underneath me.

I took my third LSAT diagnostic yesterday, and it wasn’t pretty. I’m still not sure what happened, but I just couldn’t seem to focus. Nothing was sinking in, and it was as if I hadn’t learned anything in my TestMasters class whatsoever. I’m currently scheduled to take the June 12 test, but I just don’t think that I’m prepared for it. I keep holding out thinking that one day, it’ll all just start to make sense, but that day just doesn’t seem like it’s coming any time soon. Because of this, I’ve decided to postpone my test date to either December or February. I still haven’t decided which one yet, but I’m hoping those extra couple of months will be sufficient for me to achieve the score that I want. Postponing my test date, however, means delaying my admission for another year, but I guess another year of work experience won’t be that bad. The difficult part about all of this is reconciling the feeling that everyone is passing me by. I know this supposed timeline is self-imposed and socially constructed, but knowing that doesn’t resolve the feelings of inadequacy that I have. Ugh, I just want to be done with this test already…

Aside from this depressing part of my life that is LSATs, I guess everything else in my life is going well. Work is still draining, and there’s far too much of it, but at least it’s paying the bills. I miss Paul though…

I didn’t think that a long distance relationship would be this difficult to bear, mainly because my last relationship was also a long distance one and I was able to get through it. It’s different with Paul though. There was hardly a day that we didn’t spend with each other when he was still up here, so not being able to see or feel him for even one day is utterly painful. Fortunately, work and LSATs have been keeping me busy, but there’s still hardly a minute that passes by that I don’t think of him. I miss him, and that’s an understatement…

When I was down in LA last weekend for Mother’s Day and to drop Paul off, I had the chance to sit down with my parents and look over some of our old photo albums. I had seen them before, but never really thought about trying to connect what I saw with what we lived through. Seeing as how I’ll be returning back to Cambodia in less than two months time though, I thought it’d be good to try to finally piece things together. For your viewing pleasure, and my embarrassment, here are some pics…

this was me in our hut in Sisophon. Yes, I was a chubby little baby, and I loved food then just as I do now.

my mom trying to give me a bath, haha. I think I was screaming, “I’m not dirty mommy!”

on our plantation

I had the attention span of a two year old, oh wait, I was two year’s old, haha.

my dad and me

my sister and me – whoa, look at my belly, haha

I was a nerd then and I’m a nerd now

this is where my mom worked at in the Khao-I-Dang Refugee Camp in Thailand, she’s the one at the very end

my dad being trained as a jeweler at the Camp

this was the day our number was finally called for us to leave the refugee camp and be resettled, this time in the US

at the airport

on the plane – I couldn’t stop staring at her. I think she was nice though.

still on the plane – we were heading for Tokyo for a brief stay

my mommy – I think she looks like a model here. Geez, she’s so beautiful!

me on the playground

I love my mommy!

one of my birthdays – haha, don’t worry Beh (uncle), I know how to cut a cake, hehe

after serving each adult a slice of the birthday cake, they all proceeded to feed me a bite of their cake; I believe this was the 5th bite I’d had already

I think this was after Sunday school

haha, dork in the making

my mom liked dressing me up in suits, lol

one of the first Christmases that I can remember…good times!

our home in Cambodia…can’t wait to go back!

I remember the day he told me he was going to leave, I couldn’t help but cry that night. Today is like that night…

This weekend, I brought Paul back down to LA, all the while trying not to think about the time dwindling between us. We reminisced about all that had happened in our pasts, and more importantly, about how we arrived at where we’re at now.

“We’ve both grown a lot,” I said.

He agreed.

Seven months ago today, I drove down to LA with someone I hardly knew, and now, seven months later, I drove back up without the person I love and can’t live without…

Mahal kita.