Finals suck! I realized that I had a final tomorrow–well, today now, but you get the point. Anyhow, I had thought that it was going to be Friday, but I was wrong, and it turns out to be tomorrow instead, so I’ve been cramming since the moment I found out–literally. Gosh I hate finals, but then again, who doesn’t?!

Chris moved out today, and now begins my path towards recovery. An almost two year long chapter of my life is slowly coming to a close. I’ve still a couple of pages left to write, but the main plot of the chapter has concluded and a new chapter will begin soon enough. It won’t be easy to write though, especially not after this rollercoaster ride, but alas, all good things must come to an end eh? Someday, I’ll meet the person that said that and kick him in the arse for ever saying that; it’s too bad it’s true…

For my friends who’ve stuck with me throughout this whole ordeal, you have my deepest gratitude. This wasn’t exactly the easiest time in my life, especially since it was in the midst of midterms and finals, but you all stood by me and allowed me to make my own choices. Love is a hard lesson in life that one has to learn, but thanks to you all, I have had the opportunity to learn about it. Though it hasn’t exactly been an easy journey, and though I have come out of it with some deep wounds and scars, in time, I know that they will heal and I will, as Lara Fabian put it, love again–just not any time soon…

Well, back to studying. It’s too bad life isn’t like a class we take, even though there are tests in both, at least there’s an end date with your classes, with life, it just keeps going–throwing more homework and tests at ya, ah well…c’est la vie…

Love’s Martyr

A void entered my life today
And a part of my soul flew away…

Traces of you scattered everywhere
Traces of me scattered nowhere…

Love blinds us from the truth
Making pure all that is uncouth…

Happiness seems so distant now
The only question is “how?”

We lived a life of fantasy
Blindly following what we couldn’t see…

Habits remain and memories linger
Scents–still feels like the touch of your finger…

And tomorrow, where does it take us now?
Two separate paths driven by a present gone afoul…

Hope seems distant, and reconciliation farther
A sacrificial lamb, I am love’s martyr…

© 2003 All Rights Reserved Ty J. Lim

Another semester winds down and I’m still here. This particular semester has gone by rather quickly, and has definitely been one of the more eventful, though emotionally taxing, semesters. I wish I could say that this was a good semester, but doing so would only make a liar out of me…

I’ve grown a lot since first coming to college back in 2001. I’m wrapping up my last semester as a 3rd year student and I find that I’m just as clueless about life as I ever was. Though there have been good times, there have also been bad ones. Unfortunately, at this particular time in my life, the latter just happens to overwhelm the former, but I’m hoping the balance will shift soon. I’ve been through liberation, then love, and now loss, all of which leave me with nothing more than the four letter word: life…

When we start out, we don’t ever know where it is we’re going, and even when we finally begin to think that we know where our destination is to be, there’s a bend in the road that leaves you pondering just exactly where life is taking you. Gosh I hate not knowing where I’m going, but all I can do is take it a day at a time, and pray that I won’t stray too far away from where I want to be…

Driving

We started off so wonderfully,
Lighthearted and in love,
Stuck in a trance of tranquility
We never pushed, we never shoved…

In time we grew,
Learning from mistakes and successes,
We pressed on
Despite all the fights and messes…

Fighting on
Through all the thick and thin,
With suppression,
With chagrin…

Driving along
Enjoying the smooth road ahead,
Coasting to the inevitable–
A carnal hunger waking from the dead…

Moving across time and space
Pushing gravel and rocks,
Listening to an uneasy silence,
Booming with idle thoughts…

City lights and fog,
Rising from beyond
Two separate directions,
One simple song…

Mired by memories,
We drive on,
What once was,
Is now gone…

Afflicted by growth,
Today begins again
An unfinished tapestry
A lingering tear to mend…

© 2003 All Rights Reserved Ty J. Lim

GRRR, so I was taking notes as usual today on my iPAQ. I was typing along happily and when I went to save it, the stupid thing lost my notes! GRRRRR!!! I soooo don’t know where my notes went, but I had typed so much and it was so detailed! Ugh, stupid iPAQ, it’s time to get a new one, this one has been giving me too many problems!

I was supposed to take a mock LSAT this morning, but I woke up and just didn’t feel like it today. I did some practice problems last night, and I just got tired because it was late and I didn’t really feel like doing any critical thinking. I really should sit down one of these days and just take a diagnostic test so I can familiarize myself with the structure of it all. I hate tests, but then again, who doesn’t?!

This is the first weekend in a long time where I’ve actually been able to “sleep in”. The film festival is today, and I intentionally took the weekend off so that I could actually enjoy it, not to mention treat myself to some much needed rest. Life’s been a little hectic as of late–more so than usual. There are lots of times when I just want to retreat into the darkness of my subconscious, free from the stress and pressures of life and society, but alas, life just isn’t that easy.

It seems that every time I look at the world, it’s getting uglier and uglier. From wars to poverty, from hate to violence–my eyes have been raped by reality and there’s absolutely no fleeing from it. I could cover my eyes with a band-aid, but we all know that won’t solve the problem. What to do then, what to do?

Only A Child

When peace subsides
And war resides
Only a child will know
If society will grow

When nightmares are real
And we cease to feel
Only a child will see
If we can be free

When hope ceases to exist
And people fail to resist
Only a child will hear
The drop of courage’s tear

When love loses
And emotions are scarred by bruises
Only a child can smell
The pain rotting in the soul’s well

And when morning finally dawns
We find we’re all merely pawns
In a game that only a child can play
When survival means our very decay…

© 2003 All Rights Reserved Ty J. Lim

xanga

YAY! My Xanga is ready to go!