December 17, 2004
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…winding down…
It’s funny how one minute you’re happy and free, and in the next, you’re not quite sure what hit you, but you’re definitely not feeling good…
The semester is done now and while it feels great to be free, I know that I will miss a lot of the friends that I made this year. Thank goodness for digital cameras and being able to capture the memories though. This has been both a fantastic and absolutely heart-wrenching semester for me. I don’t think my emotions have ever really been this active before, I’m so glad that it was only for a semester because I honestly don’t think that I could have dealt with 4 years of angst, depression, ecstasy, and anything else worth feeling all jumbled into one emotion…
My different groups of friends want to hang out before I head back down to SoCal. I was looking forward to it just an hour or so ago, but now I’m kind of feeling a bit reclusive. Gosh, I hate how my emotions have so much control over me. I don’t want to flake on them, but at the same time, I’m really not feeling in the mood to go out tonight, or any other night for that matter. I’m just not feeling too social at this moment…
I’ll be leaving for Hong Kong pretty soon. I can’t believe that in about 2 weeks time, I’ll be in a completely different country, oceans away from here. On the one hand, I’ll miss everyone, but I think it’ll be a good change of environment for me. It’s something new, something different, somewhere not here…
Again
Each night I go to bed
Eager for my chance to see you in my slumbering dreams
For you to scale the walls
That guard my heart
And make me believe
That I can love once again…In my dreams
I am vulnerable
Each glimpse of your smile
Is a caffeinated shot straight through my heart
Awakening all my senses
And making me feel again…But do I want to feel?
Each time I awaken
I find myself alone and empty inside
Clutching to a hope that’s as sure
As an earthquake
A “natural” disaster of my heart yet again…Let me forget
Bind me with the ignorance that brings bliss
Numb my heart
So that it cannot feel
So that I cannot feel
So that I won’t hurt once again…(C) 2004 All Rights Reserved Ty J. Lim
