October 12, 2004
-
…reality bites…
I hit a nasty little dip in my rollercoaster of life this past week, and although I survived, it wasn’t without a few harsh lessons learned. I’m usually not one to express my emotions publicly, I try to deal with my issues and problems on my own, but I’ve realized that no matter how hard I try, it is incredibly difficult to do so alone. I know I have to trust my friends more, but I think, like everything in life, it will take time…
I discovered some falsities in the advice I, and I’m sure many others, offer to their friends, and I’ll try to expand on them a little bit in this entry.
In regards to relationships and love, I’ve had people tell me that it’s ok to be single, embrace it, that I don’t need someone to make me happy. That’s partially true, but it’s mostly bullshit. The fact of the matter is that, although we go to our graves alone, we take the memories and love we have with people with us into the afterlife. It is an inherent part of who and what we are as humans to spend most of our lives looking for love, for that special someone to make life worth living, to make each breath worth breathing. It’s nice to date and all, but come on now, at some point in our life, we want that stability and peace of mind in knowing that we can always count on that one person who will love us no matter what, whether we’re assholes or angels. So I wanted to set the record straight, although we may be free in the physical sense when we’re single, our spirits and hearts are still bound by that raw desire to quench our thirst for love. It’s only when we’re in a relationship that we can break free from the cares of the world and society because, at that point, nothing else honestly matters. As long as we have the love from our significant others, then the world will continue to spin, and all will still be well…
Love really bites. It is both the greatest and the worst feelings in the world–all at the same time. I’ve always told people that if they feel that the person is truly worth it, then put your heart out on the line and see what happens. The main question has always been: is it better to have loved and lost or never to have loved at all? I’ve always guarded my heart and protected it in all cases, but I have slipped up and allowed my emotions to get the better of me in some instances. Although those instances proved to be discouraging and painful, I am still of the school of thought that progress can only come through pain. Shit, I sooooo want to say the opposite, but I know that if you don’t take risks in your life, nothing will ever come of it. We have such limited opportunities to really make a difference in our lives, and love is such a wonderful treasure that it would be an utter shame if we didn’t even try to find it, which leads me to my next point…the search for love…
Ok, so I’ve told people that they shouldn’t look for love, that it’s always sweeter when it finds you. Reality check: when does that ever really happen? Our eyes are constantly wandering, and our hearts constantly searching for that one person who is able to capture our attention, superficially with the eyes, and spiritually with the heart. I think it’s time to stop fooling myself by trying to live up to and in an ideal life because it just isn’t possible. I will always be actively searching and looking for a potential guy, and not until I find him will my search stop. I just have to temper my emotions a little bit more and prepare myself for it all so as not to get jaded so often. I’m sure my skin will thicken over time, I just wish there was a less painful way of going about it though…
Hmmm…I think that’s all I have to say for now, I’ll add more opinionated/insightful points later…
